i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
