and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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