I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
