I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
