I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
