he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They have beer where we have blood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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