If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
