Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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