she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
