A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
