I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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