So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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