His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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