is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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