I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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