We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm like, not good at living.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
