You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
