quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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