she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the gays at disneyland are vicious
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
