Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
