When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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