Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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