I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
