I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
