He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
two words: eviction party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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