I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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