he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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