the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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