My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
