So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
