so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
