I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's always time for handjobs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
