And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
