I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
