Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
