Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
