Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
