Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
