Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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