so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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