Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
