does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
