Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
