i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
