shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
