Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
