Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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