Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize