Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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