hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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