so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
honey bunches of taint.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If the people youโre with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
